RCHL

Unfolding my life as you read between the lines.

the days. 

One year ago today, I went out for pizza and a bucket full of good conversation with someone whom I never thought would mean a lot to me and it was one of the greatest memories I’d always cherish.

The smell of cheese stuck on my hair and the amazing conversation that led one after the other.

Im always thankful to God for having our paths cross. Things may be a little different from a year ago, but I assure you Im still the same person you shared that pizza with. The road ahead may get a bit bumpier than it has ever been, still, I want you to know that Im more glad to share every journey with you. I love you, always! 

Xx

R.

predictability of the unknown. 

Back in the day, reality introduced me to love and the word ‘goodbye’ was still unknown. But under some unavoidable circumstances, reality made the word ‘goodbye’ a part of my love life. 

The boys/men that came in my life would give me a warm love in the very first days. So warm you’ll never think that it would end nor was it fake. They would promise me a love thats never-ending, but little did I know that it was fleeing as they said it. Ill admit that it was painful and as time goes by the process became predictable.

When someone leaves, another one comes and the cycle goes over and over again. They would cheat and the new one cheats and the one after that and so on. They left me asking questions to myself as to where did I go wrong, have I said something that made them change their minds about me, or was I not doing the right things. They left me with questions they could never answer, because somehow the answer would boil down to a phrase that says “you will never be enough for them”. What hurts the most is when Ive given them my all – mind, body and soul, they would disappear right away. 

They left me thinking that someone like me doesn’t deserve any bit of happiness. A routine of gathering the shattered pieces and starting anew was made. Maybe thats the good thing about me, I never lost hope on love. 

That even if happiness seemed to always find its way away from me, I will not stop in sewing and piercing back the pieces so I could offer a whole new me – scarred and used, but still willing to give my all to someone more deserving than those guys that left me with unanswered questions. Questions that left me hanging. Questions that made me wish to be a better version of myself for you and hoping that maybe you could break the cycle and the predictability of the norm. 

Goodbyes have become a standard before you came, but for the first time in a long time, you gave me a glimpse of love. And I would never want to say goodbye to you, never. All that would ever cross my mind is how much I would give the world just to make you stay. 

the reason. 

It amazes her how one person could be blessed by the ability to make a person forget how worthless she felt before she met them. Its like they have some sort of magic and they make her feel like she matters not just to their world but to others, as well.

He brought that magic to her.

He was like a wrecking ball which was a direct hit to the walls she believed to be indestructible and despite everything, she couldn’t get over the feeling of knowing that they could be something more.

He’s the unforeseen in this world full of anticipations. He reminded her that there’s still someone in this wonderful world whom she could trust. He helped her unlearn why she was protecting her heart in the first place when it could be handed to someone like him.

He made her realize that she should forget her fear of new people or new starts just because she was scared of being ripped apart again.

She cant say when or how because it all happened like a tornado just came rushing through her. She never felt so brave not until now, but what’s the point in hiding? Besides, she’ll never know what will happen to her the next day, weeks, perhaps months. But between those steamy nights in his car, their real silly conversations, the laughs that just came out of nowhere, the dates and foods they shared, she fell in love. She cant even deny it to herself. She’s in love. 

Indeed, its true that we cant choose the person to love or the relationship we want to be a part of. There are times when we know someone for a week or two and they could mean the world to you. At times, it takes longer, perhaps, sooner than that, but love as we know it, works and moves in mysterious ways. 
She doesn’t know what to call what they have. Perhaps they’re a couple who are afraid to admit what they are to each other. But despite of it all, she wants to show him she’s happy for everything. 

His are the hands that held hers when its damp just because. He told her he has feelings for her, but only he knows what it is. He never tells.

When she lets down her shield, its when she’s vulnerable and all her imperfections and wrongness appears, but he made her feel that it is possible to be inspired and accepted by someone at the same time.

She loves him yet she cant utter the words. How could she even say them when she doesn’t know how. All she knows is she understands his value, that the string between them pulls them closer whenever they’re together, and the idea of genuineness of him. 

He is reason enough for her eyes to cease wandering for options, because when she’s with him, she’s smart enough to know there’s no room for choices ’cause when you love, you love. No ifs, buts and maybes. She doesn’t have to roam and look for something more because with him she feels alive, inspired, special.

He’s the one who broke down her walls and yet she never hesitated to let him in ’cause for her, he’s worth the risk.

He cups her face and kisses her gently and she could feel her bones betraying her body as they disintegrate slowly. She will never get tired of his kisses. Hence, she’s always hungry for them.

They sometimes have petty frustrations about each other yet she cant help herself but to gaze at him thinking that frustrations may occur along the way, but he’s the kind of problem she wants to have.

“Why? Why did she fell in love with him? Isnt it too fast?” People asked.

She fell in love because he made her feel like he puts her first. He inspires her to reach for more, to take the risk on putting one foot out of the door, he gives her his time and understands her — things she never expected could come from a single person.

Its true what they say, “everything happens for a reason” and she just found hers — Him.

Xx
R. 

hello, happiness! 

Thursday.

Never did it reached my mind that God would let my path cross with yours. My relationship with my ex boyfriend had been a rollercoaster ride. I guess I was just really good in keeping it from everyone else since all of them expected me to be miserable for a very long time. After all, that was 6 years of sacrifice and unconditional love. So unconditional that I forgot about myself. A few years back, I never thought I could have a life whenever my relationship with my ex fails and then a few weeks ago, I came to a point where I couldn’t bear it anymore. I gave up. I stopped fighting for the relationship which I thought would last until infinity. But before the commotion, the universe made our paths cross out of nowhere. 

You were a stranger whom I thought wouldn’t bring that much change in me and then the unexpected came. 

I cant seem to find the reasons why, but it felt so easy to open up with you. By that time, Ive known you for days, but it seems like its been months since weve known each other. You told me about everything you could think of. You shared your advices. What amazes me the most is your interest in knowing the details about my life. I noticed that you were never bored. You’re all ears whenever I talk and you always remember the small things like my frustration on how to ride a goddamn bike. Haha

My closest friends and family knows that I rarely open up to anyone, but theres something in you that makes it so easy and light. Its only been less than a month, but I have found comfort and a confidant in you. 

I enjoyed eating lunch more than anything else. Your silliest jokes cracks me up even the not-so funny ones. Youre always there to brighten up my day and you never failed to bring a smile on my face. You became sweeter and sweeter as the day passed us by. You always come out of your way just to make sure Im okay. And Ive never had someone like you before which makes me feel like I matter for someone for the first time in forever. 

Thirty days may seem too fast but what we have between us evolved in to something deeper. My world never turned gloomy unlike the weather we’re having right now. It’s always bright and sunny with you by my side. Suddenly he was out of the picture. He never crossed my mind not even once except when you ask me about him. Later on, I found myself looking forward to being with you. 

I’ll admit, Ive never felt more special than hearing you say my name (Im referring to the one you made up haha). I always find myself smiling in the middle of the night before hitting the sack, open my phone and re-read conversations that led butterflies not just to my stomach but every cell in my system. You treat me well more than anyone else. 

Thank you for helping me move on! I want you to know you are more than enough. And I want to thank you for every single effort you’ve exerted since day one. You are highly appreciated and I want to express my gratitude to God for having our paths cross together. See you tomorrow!

To happiness!!

Xx
R. 

so much for being happy. 

I was smiling and perhaps laughing my heart out. You happened to caught a glimpse of me, you stared and thought how a typical lady like me changed your life. The thought of me coming in to your world never crossed your mind yet I am there in front of you laughing over some random petty stuff. You asked yourself “what good thing have i done to deserve such amazing human being?” and then you considered yourself lucky, vowed to never let me go, and made it your mission to make me feel happy and loved for the rest of your life…..

….
and I wonder if that ever happened before or will it ever happen in the future?
xx

R. 

midnight thoughts.

He made her thoughts run wild inside her mind like undomesticated horses. He tells her things that doesn’t even compliment a single cell in her body yet she looks at him like he had given her the moon, the stars even the galaxies other than the Milky Way. She believed and she’ll continue to believe until it hurts because thats what love is — it will remain in you, it will never be replaced unless you want it to go away. But theres no such thing as a death for love. It will always be there, deep down inside your being, sleeping and perhaps wandering discreetly until a memory would knock on its door and you’ll have no choice but to feel that same feeling not with the same person, but with another soul, another heart, another lesson. 
Xx

R. 

impossibilities. 

He reminded her of the years when she used to be someone else. 
Her mind desired to wander down the memory lane yet it wanted to stay focus on what’s ahead. 
She could feel like there’s something else inside of him waiting to be awakened by something – perhaps a gong of unending love and lust combined. 
He goes around tripping on someone else’s heart and breaking each one of them in the process as he continues on his way to where his heart and mind would take him. 
She tried to shatter the barricades he built around him.
He continued ignoring her efforts, failed to take notice of everything she’s trying to do to make things right and yet he still captures her attention, her heart, her whole being.
She’s still blinded, still trying to win his heart. For the nth time, she failed to her dismay. 
He drowned himself with lustful thoughts. As usual. 
She tried to shoo them away, but she was too blind and failed to see that she’s just one of his prospects. 
“Keep dreaming!” She told herself as she clings on to the impossible that someday he’ll decide to change his mind, break the barriers he built for some time and start clearing pathways with her as they hold their hands on their way to forever. 
Xx

R. 

Perhaps.

Perhaps its a good thing that God created me to be who I am today.
Perhaps this is the answer to all the questions I asked God a few years ago.
Perhaps this is just another trial that I should go through and that the only way to pass this is by ignoring whatever’s happening right now.
Perhaps He allowed our paths to cross so I would know the difference between the fakes and the real ones.
Perhaps everything that is going on with me and my family right now is just temporary and our shining moment is about to come again.
Perhaps you should worry about your own future especially your children’s for we don’t know what is yet to come.
Perhaps you should just keep your mouth shut for you to have a prosperous life.
Perhaps you should stop criticizing others, stop pointing fingers and fix yourself.
Perhaps you are just doing what you’re doing and saying what you’re saying because you are not fully aware of how hurtful you’ve been to others.
Indeed, life is full of surprises. One thing’s for sure though, nothing in this world is permanent. So enjoy everything that you have right now. Stay in your bubble of happiness and keep it together as long as you could, for you’ll never know that one day, under a beautiful shining sun, you’ll woke up with nothing, but regrets and missed opportunities.
To love and better days!
Xx

R. 

RachelleSays#01. (12.13.15)

Wednesday.
Merely thanking someone for the efforts they’ve done is okay but appreciating their efforts is better. Some people are too preoccupied with so much things that they tend to overlook the little things that other people do for them. They may be very religious and are so keen on praying and yet they lack compassion towards others. They tend to compare other people from one another appreciating the ones who already left and criticizing the people who stays. It wont probably hurt to accept and appreciate the people surrounding you and the things they do for you rather than complaining about the little things they might have forgotten or perhaps have done but failed to reach your standards. The bottomline: Stop complaining and start appreciating.

Xx

R. 

Wonder. Wondered. Wondering. (11.30.2015)

Monday.
We live in such a cruel world. Terrorist attacks are disseminated on each corner of the earth, deadly diseases were spreading fast, nations are claiming other nations, families are being ruined, friends leaving each other, couples are guilty of being unfaithful to their partners, children are sometimes being forgotten due to the hectic schedule of their parents just to give them a brighter future.

I wonder, perhaps, we are all experiencing this circumstances in order to open our eyes for the most important thing we sometimes overlook in life – love. Yes, we say we love someone. We say we love ourselves, but are we showing that to prove it? Because sometimes, words are just words. They are empty unless you fill it with your actions. We say love is all around us, but is it really there? We always tend to look all the way up to the future, of how we wish things may look like, and in doing this, we tend to forget about the present.

I wondered, what if we all just live in the moment and acknowledge the importance of what we have now than the importance of what tge future has in store for us?

I wondered, what if we all try to pause for a while maybe for an hour or two and try to listen and realize the things and the people that really matter?

I wondered, what if we focus on what we need than those of what we want? What if we try to weigh things first and ask ourselves, is it really worth it?

I wondered, what if its all too late before we comprehend whats really going on with our lives?

You see, sometimes, we may look happy, but if you search deep within you, are you really happy?

I am wondering, if we concentrate on the things that matter, like relationships not just to our family, friends, relatives, coworkers, but also to ourselves, and especially to the Almighty, perhaps we will be living on a world with less hate. For its far different if we pay more attention in to the things that makes us feel loved.

I am wondering, wouldnt it be nice to live in a world with less hatred? Where we wont hate the people we barely know. Our world today is full of hypocrisy. We all have something to say and we all think what we say and do are the ones that should be done and nothing more. We are governed by people with hearts filled with greed and raised starving for power and wealth. Thats one of the things that saddens me. People, may they be from great or small nations, look up to these people seated on the higher positions of the state. They serve as their leaders, the ones that people should follow, but what do these high-ranking individuals do? They do the opposite. They are leading the people unto the wrong way. Leading them all to a disastrous nation. Perhaps, we should make the less fortunate our leaders or perhaps we should learn from them. For they have been thru the worst-case scenarios of their lives and yet when its time for them to succeed, their feet stay planted firmly on the ground. Why? Because they value what they have. They worked hard for it. Sweat, blood, tears, body and soul were all given just to have something to provide for their families. And the best thing with these less fortunate people, they always develop a better relationship with everyone. Unfortunately, not all would do these. We grew up in a world where corruption and misunderstandings are rampant and I wouldnt blame this generation and the previous generation for living such lives. 

BUT, we could still do something about it. Perhaps we could save some of the good thats left and grow them for the future generations to come. We may not be here when they get here. We may not be able to suffer their agonies from such terrible circumstances, but the fact that we could do something to alleviate their future sufferings is a big deal.

We should embrace change for the better. We should focus to the things that matter. We should open ourselves to everyone, and be a blessing to them. We should love and be loved. 

To us and for the generations to come!

Xx

R. 

%d bloggers like this: